Yearn for Connection
- DFDarwoodWrites
- Apr 21
- 5 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
Being connected to what?
There are so many things we can connect with—nature, each other, even ourselves. There's a reason this kind of connection matters.
Quick Story
To be overly honest, this is a hard topic to share stories about. Feeling separate and actually being separate might look different on the surface — but separateness is separateness. Your perspective is everything.
Disclaimer: I place no blame on anyone. Life is just life. Every person is walking their own path. That said, I've felt alone many times as I’ve traveled through mine. Maybe you have too.
Childhood: A Quiet Survival If you remember the first story I shared, my parents lost their four-year-old son when I was just two years old. Their grief swallowed them whole. I was essentially alone — surviving. No big brother. Two emotionally broken parents.
In that loneliness, a certain spirit grew in me — justice-seeking, back-talking — a kind of wild resilience. It probably strained my relationship with my mother beyond repair - that I still work to repair today. With my father, there was care and provision — but not connection. I absolutely knew he loved us growing up. But love without the connection I needed still feels like being alone. And one can only hope skip that type of grief and see all of their children and grandchildren and even great grandchildren!
Adolescence: A Different Kind of Distance When I became a teen mother — a whole therapy session of its own — the sense of separateness deepened. My peers were free to just be. Meanwhile, I carried a world on my shoulders. I never told them — how much I longed to belong, to be part of something carefree and ordinary. But life is just life, right?
Relationships: Transaction Over Heart I had my share of boyfriends, hoping for connection. What I found instead was transaction. Not love. Not true closeness. And so, I ended things swiftly, cleanly, without regret. Better to care for my own heart than to force a connection that was never there.
Adulthood: Boundaries, Not Walls Even now — through marriage, through friendships, through extended family — I sometimes find myself stepping back. Stepping back to protect what is tender in me. Because too often, I still see the distance, the transactions, the walls people build.
And when you break it down, it's really fear, isn't it? Fear of abandonment. Fear of disappointment. Fear of needing someone who might not stay.
Watching Another’s Journey There’s an older woman I know — close to our family — whose fear led her to a life of isolation. Now, her grown children are trying, with such tenderness, to pull her back toward the world. They're sacrificing to rescue her — emotionally and physically. This is their journey. Their story of connection and choice.
It makes me wonder: how much of our journey is ours to decide? I believe we do have choices — especially about fear. We can let fear isolate us, or we can gather courage to connect, even knowing the risks.
Choosing Connection Connecting with others can be breathtakingly beautiful — and achingly painful. That’s why we need boundaries, not walls.
Walls shut everything out — the love, too. Boundaries allow us to stay open, but safe.
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of the boundaries we set. Like me — I cuss. In playfulness, in anger, words fly. But my husband doesn’t curse. That’s his boundary. Out of love and respect, I rarely curse around him or our children. I don’t lose myself by honoring his boundary — I expand my expression. I grow my vocabulary.
If we set boundaries and others ignore them, we have choices to make. Because connection isn’t about merging with just anyone — it’s about sharing space with those who honor the ground we stand on.
We’re not meant to have oneness with everyone. We can hold deep compassion for all humanity — but true connection, that sacred oneness, happens in the small bubble of life we call home.
And maybe that’s the real work: Not erasing separateness but finding the courage to reach across it — and connect anyway.
Science we know so far...
Over the last few decades, people around the world have become less socially connected. Scientists have found that poor social connection can cause serious health problems like heart disease, stroke, depression, and dementia. Sometimes, these problems and social disconnection make each other worse. Research shows that people with weaker social ties are more likely to get sick or die earlier, even when other health factors are considered. Because of this, the World Health Organization (WHO) now sees social connection as a major public health issue.
Even though there’s a lot of research, it’s sometimes confusing. People often mix up loneliness and social isolation, but they are different. Loneliness mostly affects mental health, while social isolation mainly harms physical health. Having strong social connections in different ways — not just one — is very important for health. Scientists say we need better ways to measure and talk about social connection.
Recently, more studies have confirmed that being socially connected is important for health. However, many people still don’t realize just how important it is. Since knowing is the first step to making change, teaching the public about this issue is important.
Young people may be especially affected, because missing out on important social experiences while growing up can cause problems later in life. Technology, like AI, could either help or make things worse.
Activity/Journal
Have a goal of togetherness and presentness. Enjoy a moment with a friend or loved one. How? Sing a nostalgic song together. Dance an old school dance together. Watch a classic movie together. Enjoy a comedian or favorite meal…together. Walk, exercise, or play a sport together. Choose things in nature for this activity as well.
Quotes and Interpretations
We are one with everything in existence. Separation is an illusion.
All differences in this world are of degree, and not of kind, because oneness is the secret of everything. Swami Vivekananda
We can usually see parts of ourselves in others. We will see what we admire and dislike. Both are parts of ourselves. We are connected in many ways.
Hatred is separation, and love is oneness.
Peace comes within the souls of humans when they realize their oneness with the universe, when they realize it is really everywhere, it is within each one of us. Black Elk
Every human is an expression of this universe. Just as every flower is an expression of its plant. We are all connected by the same origin.
Connection
By DF Darwood
When we see another, who needs a hand and we are moved to help,
That is connection
When we are still and recognize the conversation of the birds,
That is connection
When we look into our loved one’s eyes and understand a feeling without words,
That is connection
When we dance or sing in sync and together,
That is connection
When we revel in the light of the sun that warms us and grows us,
That is connection
When we drink earth’s water and truly feel replenished,
That is connection
When we hold the new baby, it hears our heartbeat,
That is connection
When we bless and say thank you for our nourishing food,
That is connection
When we care for the plants and trees and they provide cleaned air, nourishment, and healing,
That is connection
When we see earth and all of its life as a wonderful miracle happening every second,
That is connection
We'll talk soon.
DF
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