Love

Such a loaded word - love. What does it mean to you? Is your love conditional for some and not others? Is your love cautious and hiding - not really trying to be around too many people? Is your love a force or a warm wave? I know humans need love to survive and thrive. Infants, children, adolescents, young adults, middle aged, elderly - which group can live without love from another human being?

Quick Story

I don't remember saying 'I love you' to my parents or hearing it from them. I know words have power and I don't remember that power being spoken over me. But when I look back at all that transpired, I understand a few things (not everything). My parents tragically lost my older brother when he was four years old, and I was two. They went into a deep sadness. But I am still there. I don't know how long their sadness lasted. Maybe they always had a hidden fear of losing another child, of attaching to closely. I am really speculating. I do know that happened in 1973. And when I asked my mother, in 2023, if she ever had anyone to talk to about losing her son, she recalled the loss with such anger and pain and crying that I decided never to bring it up again - to have her relive those moments. Growing up, my parents made sure I was well cared for, took me to outings, to church, even put me in private schools. It's possible they couldn't bring themselves to say words like ' I love you' because of the pain of loving and losing. So, they had to tuck that away and show me their love in the best ways they knew at that time. When I look back, I know they loved me, even though they didn't say it. But now, in my parenting role, I try to say it along with my actions with my children. Just in case they need to hear my voice in their head when I'm not around or something worries them in life, or they face challenges, they'll remember they are loved, and they have a person in their corner. I don't know about you, but in my head, I hear statements that people have said to me in my life. And I'm sure it's nice to have the voice of someone who truly loves you saying 'I love you' in your head. This doesn't even touch 'self-love' and what you say to yourself - words you whisper regularly.

What we know so far...

When babies are very young, it's a super important time for their brain development. How their parents take care of them during this period really matters. Parents who are emotionally responsive and interact a lot with their babies help build the baby's brain in a healthy way. This kind of caring interaction helps the baby develop good social skills and emotional health as they grow up.

Love on the developing brain: Maternal sensitivity and infants’ neural responses to emotion in the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex - Stern - Developmental Science - Wiley Online Library

Pair bonding is a scientific term for long-lasting romantic relationships and is seen in fewer than 5% of mammalian species. It involves two sexually mature adults forming a strong preference for each other, characterized by staying together, showing affection, and mating primarily with each other.

Pair bonding likely evolved because raising offspring often requires significant parental investment from both parents. This kind of relationship helps ensure that both parents contribute to raising their young, which increases the chances of survival. In humans, being in stable relationships has clear benefits. People in long-term marriages tend to live longer, experience less depression, and have better immune function and heart health.

The neuroendocrinology of love - PMC (nih.gov)

By identifying brain responses to self-talks, our study presented that both types of self-talks can enhance cognitive performance through different brain changes related to motivation. In summary, the effects of self-respect on cognitive performance seem both negative, due to impulsivity related to inaccurate confidence, and positive, due to performance improvement related to enhanced executive functions. On the other hand, self-criticism may induce an increase in cognitive performance, maybe due to a less confident state that elevates internal motivation and attention. Additional studies are needed to elucidate the modulation of confidence and motivation concerning both self-talk and cognitive performance.

The effects of positive or negative self-talk on the alteration of brain functional connectivity by performing cognitive tasks | Scientific Reports (nature.com)

Fear and Emotional Well-Being Book Set

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An Activity I've used...

Journal Entry: If your self-talk is filled with love then you can give love, because that is what is within you. So, answer these questions. What is your self-talk when you think you’ve made a mistake?  When you have done a wonderful job? What are your secret judgments about yourself? How you give love to yourself, will be the way you give love to others.

In this sci-fi fantasy, these young people tap into personal confidence and go on time travel adventures!

Sci Fi Book Set!

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Quotes and Interpretations

Love for yourself is beautiful and it shows.

A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love. Max Muller

We can make love the powerful force that drives out negativity.

Let the beauty of what you love be what you do. Rumi

Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy. Sai Baba

Love is a portion of the soul itself, and it is of the same nature as the celestial breathing of the atmosphere of paradise. Victor Hugo

Face yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you.”

Happiness from within is linked to love for yourself and will spread to love for others.

Warmth is love. Autumn Antoine

Forwarding this blog helps more than just me. It helps friends and family that majust need a small sense of encouragement to keep going. Please share.